Off duty: Finding the right travel partner
As we enter the thick of holiday travel, an ode to having a good sidekick.
Here’s what it’s like to travel with Dan.
Send him the absolute most random flight deals on the planet, the ones you get by email from Going (formerly known as Scott’s Cheap Flights). Brazil. The Gambia. Boston. He’ll reject them all because we “don’t have the vacation time” and “can’t afford all of these trips.” Agree on something more reasonable (seeing your family for the holidays, a five-day blitz to Mexico). Book flights, taking turns on who does what, texting your frequent flier account numbers back and forth.
When the travel day comes around, Dan will be up and ready to go whether it’s 4 a.m. or midnight. He’ll pack light — just a backpack — and remember his passport. He will be happy and calm. (You, on the other hand, will be anxious, because he likes to cut arrival times very close to departure.)
When you get to your destination, Dan’ll still be happy, still calm. He slept in transit because he can sleep anywhere. He has the map skills of Ferdinand Magellan and will find the Airbnb / hotel you picked, or the house you’re crashing at. Whatever you say you’re doing — racing to a restaurant reservation or meeting up with a friend you haven’t seen in 12 years — he’ll be jazzed.
I recently wrote a story about travel partner red flags that ranged from v. silly to actually bad (“they stand up as soon as the plane lands” — not the end of the world. But making you hide your meal under the table so they don’t have to see your “weird food” ??? Dealbreaker).
Polling a zillion people for the piece was a reminder of how bizarro humans can be / how many bad travelers there are out there / how difficult it can be to predict another person’s travel style before you go somewhere with them.
When I matched with Dan on Hinge in December 2020, he at least looked like good traveler — it was part of what drew me to his profile. He had this short video from a trip to Africa where he was coming out of a gas station, walking down a dirt road, smiling, backpack slung over his shoulder. He looked like someone who was down for anything, someone who could carry themselves in any kind of situation.
I’ve made lots of assumptions about potential suitors in my decade plus dating, and lots of them were comically wrong. But I got this one right!!! Dan turned out to be my perfect travel partner. So perfect, we decided to do it forever.
It’s not just the fun travel, like our first “real” trip together to Paris or bike camping in Maine. But the stressful kind, like (*gulp*) holiday travel.
For Thanksgiving, we took eBikes to the DC train station; hopped on the Megabus to NYC; rode the commuter rail up to my sister’s place in Westchester (and down to the city again); got on another commuter line to Long Island to see more friends and family; rode it back; took no less than three subways to get to the Megabus back to DC; took the Metro from the bus depot to our neighborhood; walked the last half mile home.
Those last few steps translated into a 10+ hour travel day.
Fortunately, Dan and I both have an unbridled enthusiasm for public transportation, a low bar for comfort, and shared agreement that if we’re doing something together, we’ll have a good time. That means even long slogs on a bus — even hungover ones — will be full of joy and shenanigans. Even when it’s the worst, it’s the best.
To power through the Thanksgiving madness, we bought baguette sandwiches, listened to podcasts, and napped on each others’s shoulders. We’ll do more of the same for Christmas.
The next phase of holiday travel will be a cross country double feature: first to Fresno, California to see my family, then to New Orleans to see his.
To survive the forthcoming crowded, chaotic, high stakes periods of transit, here’s how we’ll make it as nice as possible:
My way - Make travel decisions that are good for our well being - Okay, we’re not doing this 100%. We are flying back to DC from NoLa on the morning of New Year’s Day, as though we won’t be up late drinking on NYE. That will be painful. But to get to my family’s, I’m taking a day off work and flying on the Tuesday afternoon before Christmas when airports will be much, much quieter. Overall: no early early flights, no super tight connections, no close calls.
Dan’s way - Do not get stressed over literally anything - Things will work themselves out one way or another. You can still run to catch your plane if the boarding doors are about to close, but you don’t have to get angry about it.
My way - Prioritize delightful snacks - See baguettes above. Making sure we have treats along the way makes the grind feel more luxurious.
Dan’s way - Nap when you can.
My way - Exercise a little - Relieves travel stress / anxiety / jet lag, feels good, offsets the travel eating.
If you have any holiday travel questions or woes or tips and tricks, feel free to drop them in the comments, or email me at compton.natalie@gmail.com. Happy holidays!!!!
standing up as soon as the plane lands—too real 🫠 loving your newsletter, natalie!
BDanE